‘when the wars and violence cease and all creation lives in peace, let the songs of heaven rise to you alone’
it’s no secret that mitchell has been through its share of hard times recently. after having three suicides in this calender year, it’s no secret everyone is on edge. between mitchell and orleans, three young adults have taken their own lives in the last two weeks and it finally hit me today exactly what that meant. growing up, i think every girl in my grade had a crush at one point or another on Peter Grider. he had the BEST hair i have ever seen on a human and every girl just thought he was adorable. his death has definitely hit me the hardest because after the junior high girl crush went away, i met toby and absolutely fell in love with who he is. he quickly became one of the most annoying people in my life that i wouldn’t trade for anything. after i had known him for a year or so, he really matured and started to grow on me and he became one of my best friends. since peters death, i have found myself praying so much for toby. i cannot imagine the pain he has to feel and all the emotions i can’t even fathom. i have dealt with sibling deaths in my friendships before, but never one that has taken his own life.
callie ann and i have been through a lot together. i rode in the car with her for 4 hours the night her sister died and have been through the grief process for her. and tonight while driving back from mitchell, we heard ‘you hold me now’ by hillsong and without either of us saying a word, we both teared up. then we briefly talked about things and moved on with the conversation. tonight when we got into town we went straight to the 8 oclock ethos for worship. after the sermon we took communion and when i sat back down it really hit me how much i want to be there for toby. i sat through the next two songs and callie ann and i cried together. then, when the last song of the night played was ‘you hold me now’ and i almost could not breathe i was crying so hard, and since it was in a room of about 150-200 people it could have potentially been embarrassing. but i didn’t even remember where i was. all i knew, was that i wanted to cry and i wanted to take pain away from the grider family and friends. i do anything to help them if i knew it would work, but i know that grief is something that will take its own path and there is no right or wrong way to do it. i know that God will be there for me through this which makes me want to take the pain from them. God has taught me to be strong for myself and for others and i just want others to understand the love that God has for us, but after the pain they’re going through, i would be angry with God. i just want to take away their pain.
after praying and crying and serious thought, i don’t think i’m going to be able to make it back to mitchell for the viewing and the funeral. as much as i love toby and want to be there for him, i’m just not sure how it would work. i would have to drive 4 hours up, spend a few hours there at the funeral home for the viewing, then drive 4 hours back to make sure I am back with enough time to sleep before my classes on tuesday. i’m afraid i would fall asleep driving or not make it to my classes that are important and i’m honestly terrified of what emotions i would feel if i rode in the car for 8 hours in one day by myself. i know not physically being there is not what i would choose if it were possible, but i’m in nashville praying for everyone that will be involved in the funeral and viewing process. God has given me strength and im hoping to be able to share it by praying and just being there. for everyone who reads this, please join me in praying for them to have strength. ill be praying for all the families who have lost loved ones by suicide in mitchell in the recent months and i would appreciate if you did as well. i know God hears our cries and in times of grief there is never enough prayer.
‘no weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering, you hold me now’
